The Outside(Songfic)
Part of the Songfic Series. OA is Taylor Swift. The Outside I didn't know what I would find When I went looking for a reason, I know :I hang back, watching the others draw ahead. Squirrelpaw rolling her eyes at something Brambleclaw said, Feathertail nodding intently at Stormfur while Tawnypelt told something to her brother who laughs. They look like friends. Friends on an exciting quests to become heroes. :Friends who don't notice the smoky gray apprentice trailing behind them. That would be me. I didn't read between the lines And, baby, I've got no where to go :I sway slightly on the border, moons and moons later. This boundary is what seperates us. Clan from Clan, cat from cat. It's what seperates me from Leafpool. I look up at the stars. No boundaries in StarClan... :But who will I be crossing those boundaries for? :The rest of the patrol passes me. "Come on Crowfeather," Ashfoot meows, not looking at me. I sigh. My own mother, ashamed of me. Breezepaw shoots me a comtemptious glare and follows her. :I sigh and look back to the stars. Why is this happening to me? I tried to take the road less traveled by But nothing seems to work the first few times Am I right? :Feathertail is dead, Leafpool is gone, and I avoid Nightcloud as much as I can. :Maybe it's that I care too much. Maybe it's that I don't care enough. If I did would Feathertail be dead now, would Leafpool be brokenhearted? Would Nightcloud be with a cat who loved her? :I tried to be good, I really did. But I have a nasty habit of caring about the wrong cats. Cats who are sweet and amazing, but who will always get hurt because of me. So how can I ever try to be better? No body ever lets me in! :"For StarClan's sake Crowpaw!" Squirrelpaw's eyes are a fiery green, "Can't you act your age for at least once! Can't you just quit being such an arrogent mouse-brained....urgh!" she stalks away, Brambleclaw rushing after her to comfort her. Stormfur and Tawnypelt turn away and pad away, murmering. Feathertail opens her mouth, but I turn away, stalking into the sparse trees. :I return a few moments later, slightly calmer even though the sight of a haughty looking Squirrelpaw still annoys me. "I caught a rabbit," I meow, dropping the rabbit onto the ground. It's a good catch, large and juicy. I'm prepared to sit, take my share, talk with the others in a nice way, and ignore every barbed comment Squirrelpaw sends my way. I just want to fit in, I want to be better. :But none of them look my way, not even Feathertail. They just keep talking and laughing, not noticing when I slink into the forest once more. I can still see you, this ain't the best view On the ouside, looking in. :Stars are far away. :When I was a kit I would put my paw in the air and imagine reaching all the way up to StarClan. Apart of me knew that the stars were in the sky and I was on the ground. But I wondered what it would feel like to hold a star in my paw, to see that tiny ball of fire.... :Since Feathertail, those dreams are back. I've been a lot of lonely places I've never been on the outside. :As a kit I was alone, there were never any other kits to play with. As an apprentice, I was so bad-tempered everyone hated me, even my mentor. On the quest I was the only one who had no idea who anyone else was. And now I'm an outcast. :I never really was close to anyone, except for Feathertail and Leafpool of course. The closest I ever came was the quest, but that fell apart. Now I'm alone. :The word echos through me. It pretty much sums up my whole life. Either that or 'terrible'. :Alone. You saw me there, but never knew I would give it all up to be A part of this, a part of you And now it's all too late, so you see :"Oh Crowpaw," Squirrelpaw's eyes are brimming with tears and sympathy. "I'm so so ''sorry." :"I never got to tell her that I loved her," I whisper. :She wraps her tail around me, pressing against me. I want to laugh, say something to her, but I can't. It's not something to make fun of, it's an act of comfort, an act of mercy. Squirrelpaw is trying to take some of my pain, take it away and give me bliss, if only for a moment. :It's too late for bliss. All that keeps me here is that grave by the waterfall and the knowledge that I failed. You could've helped if you had wanted to But no one notices until it's to late To do anything :"Hey Crowfeather," Nightcloud meows, her eyes shining, "Wanna go for a walk?" :''No, I don't, I think. But it's my last option. My Clan believes I'm either a traitor or a bad-tempered tom who should just stay out of everyone's way. Which is true. But I can't bear it anymore. I've lost too much, I can't loose WindClan too. :I spot Leafpool across the clearing and I'm wondering if I'm really seeing this or if it's some kind of cruel trick. Then I see Barkface pad out of his den with some herbs. He says something to her and she nods, her eyes straying over my way. My eyes meet hers and they lock on eachother. A million memories rush back only to be replaced by a million times the pain. Her leaf-green eyes fade, turning into Feathertail's river-blue ones. I gulp. :I turn to Nightcloud who is still waiting, her eyes full of hope and a heart that has not yet been broken. :"Sure," I mutter. So how could I ever try to be better? Nobody ever lets me in! :"I'm sorry," :I turn to see Squirrelflight beihnd me, her green gaze still as fiery as it was seasons ago. Just a little more tamed. I sigh, turning back to Feathertail's grave, "Isn't everyone?" :She pads over and sits by me. "Life isn't fair," :"You're telling me..." I murmer, my eyes sliding past the grave to her. Why is she out here? Can't she just leave me to mourn in peace? :As if reading my mind, she meows, "You can't wait forever Crowfeather. She's gone, and it's sad, but there's a life down here for you." :She should understand this better then anyone. "Not anymore," I growl, turning away pointedly. :"There are cats down here who care about you Crowfeather," Squirrelflight meows, "Cats who love you." :"Did Leafpool tell you to say that?" I growl bitterly. :"No," Squirrelflight meows, standing up, "I told her the same thing I just told you. You both have your head stuck up in the stars too much." she turns to leave, then adds in a whisper, "Feathertail would tell you the same thing I just did and you know that." :She pads away, leaving me with the mountain and a dead she-cat I loved. I can still see you, this ain't the best view On the outside, looking in :"We can even be together when we get home?" Feathertail asks, the stars reflected in her eyes. From one sky to another. :"We'll find a way, promise." I meow, twining my tail with hers. :"You promise?" she looks at me and I loose myself in her eyes, reminding myself how lucky I am. How smart and determined and beautiful and sweet she is. How lucky I am. :"I promise." I meow. :Nothing can break us apart. I've been a lot of lonely places I've never been on the outside... Category:Artimas Hunter's Fanfics